I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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