As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
