i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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