And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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