rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
