i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
