If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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