Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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