I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
