Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
