She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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