i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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