Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
