And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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