I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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