It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize