Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
