Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
