can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
