I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
