either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
