Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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