farters have to be the big spoon...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
