I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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