please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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