So drunk its hurt
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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