Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize