the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
