i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
