I want to make a zoo with you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
