Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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