It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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