So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
