happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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