One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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