I love black thongs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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