If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
