tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
