Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
