guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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