What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
