god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
