Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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