One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
