YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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