Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
