1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
