Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
