this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
