I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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