Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
