It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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