You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
