I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
