Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
