Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize