Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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