Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
