He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
