Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
