Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
