Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize