I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
