Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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