i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
