I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
