so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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