i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
