he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
