So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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