Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He passed out mid-signature
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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