He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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