I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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