just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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