we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize