hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
