I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
