i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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