i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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