The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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