His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
