just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
