you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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