When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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