2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
