Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
