your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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