Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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