i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
