oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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